gosh

haha. i don't know why i used that title. i am currently sitting on my lazy ass listening to the absolute greatest cd ever which is a self titled album that was release in 2002. and when track 6 turns to track 7 no matter how manyt times i listen to it, it just completely blows me away. and when track 10 ends and you hear the train sounds and the acoustic guitar come in on track 11 it makes me cry. i'm not quite at that point yet but yeah. i realize that i've been being an asshole to a lot of people lately and i don't like being like that and i truly am sorry for people that i've started stuff with. this is mainly because of my hate of the path the band my chemical romance has gone down. yes. i like the first album. it's good. not spectacular but good. three cheers is an alright album. i like a couple songs and it's bearable. i hate the black parade. sorry. it does however annoy me that people dislike the used due to the past relationship between bert mccracken and gerard way. and...just for the facts it wasn't because gerard is sober. listen bert and wiL francis are friends and wiL is a well known member of the straight edge community. so shut the fuck up with the sober theory. i also cant stand my chemical romance fans who say they hate the used because they kicked their drummer out...thats all i have to say about that. so yeah. today is a fucking amazing day because as of today i've only been with one person for the wgole year. her name is jenn and she's fucking amazing. i dont have anything more to say so ill leave a quote from my favorite drummer of all time(yes its long):

Hello hello everyone and anyone that cares to read these. I'm just finishing up a late night in the studio working on a song I wrote...nothing special, just geeking with my stuff. So today (Aug 1st) marks one year exactly since I was kicked out of the used. It's hard to believe that it's already been a year. I guess time flies when....well, maybe time doesn't fly so much. It's been one hell of a year.... a whole lot of ups and downs. I guess it's only hard to believe its been a year cause everywhere I go I still get asked the same questions about Who I am and What band I am in. I've answered questions countless times about why I was kicked out of the used. It's funny, a lot of people have poor tact, I don't usually approach people and ask them about painful events in their life....like if I walked up to some guy I heard about and said "Hey bro, I heard you got fired from your job and your family left you?....Why?"..... haha, Whoa!! I'm just trying to buy some fuckin groceries, but I'll open that wound back up for ya so I can confirm or deny what shit you read about me on the internet. Hahah....However, this situation usually has balance because then I usually get to follow it with the story of how I joined my favorite band on the planet- RANCID. So really, I have no complaints. People like to think that because things worked out the way they did that it means it didnt hurt to get kicked out of my own band for standing up for who I am and what I believe in. Well it did, so fuck you if you think I'm not allowed to be a little bent. Although I kinda feel like a passenger forced to leave the Titanic before it entered icy waters, lets face it....I would not wanna be on that ship. Haha. So if ya see me out... don't hesitate to keep asking me the same painful questions, I'll try to answer politely. If you want to talk to me about RANCID.....please feel free. Now that the year anniversary is over... I'd like to stop talking about the used for good.

Moving on.... Things have been real busy with Unknown Studio stuff lately. I've been working with Lakeshore Entertainment to put together the Resident Evil 3 Extinction Soundtrack, helping submit additional artists. As I've mentioned the band I produced: SEARCHLIGHT has their song "Contagious" playing during the closing credits of the film and the song will also be available on the cd when it releases (release date TBA) and itunes. I didnt want to post the final mix up because that way it is a little more special once its available. Also, there's a great band from the UK called Fightstar who I helped get onto the soundtrack, it's a great track by them called "Deathcar" (No, I did not produce their song). Watch for a full page add for the soundtrack in next months AP Magazine with release info. Also, watch for the movie trailer.... I went to see The Simpsons movie recently and saw the trailer for R.E.3.... it looks pretty crazy.

Lately I feel like I've learned a great deal. I've really learned a lot about people and what really counts. Perhaps, I should say...what "I feel" really counts. After all this is just my opinion. What you do matters a great deal more than what you say. So many people have 2 faces...some may even have 3 or 4. I find myself gravitating towards things with consistancy. At some point it's time to grow up and commit to something, someone, anything....yourself. Get better aquainted with who you are and quit fuckin worrying about what people are gonna think of that person. I'll spare you the suspense...you're not perfect, none of us are. But people that know who they are can also truly know what they want. When you know who you are and what you want you are Unstoppable!! I'm not talking about a false sense of pride you get from ego which is ultimately derived from insecurities. But learning to love something in yourself or someone else that comes from the soul. Fuck status, money, popularity and all that shit. It will never get you self respect. Its empowering to remove the blinders and view things for what they are, not what they appear to be. But don't take my word for it, find out for yourself. As people I think we are so powerful, we have so much more control over our lives than we credit ourselves. It's so easy to feel like a victim and pass the blame for our misfortunes to others. If you're not where you want to be in life.....Do something about it!! If you hit a wall, don't look around look and blame someone for it, don't fuckin bitch about it. Learn from it, figure it out...get around it and keep moving forward no matter what. If you were told there is no "Luck" and no "Victims" maybe you take a little credit, good or bad, and steer you're own fuckin life. It's so easy to talk the talk and not walk the walk. I know that I fuck up both of them plenty. But it's nice to remind ourselves of the obvious now and then....maybe achieve a moment of clarity. Sometimes I just enjoy these rants about my random thoughts....I don't mean to be preachy, just sharing my thoughts (I thought thats what stupid fuckin internet blogs are for right?). I like to keep it personal so we can feel equal, share the same dreams or frustrations. Otherwise I could do this shit like some of the band "updates" you probably get from your favorite bands thats actualy written by their managers assistant or something. Haha. Ok, fuck...I'm tired, I swear a lot, I'm going to bed. As my brothers in H20 put it best: "ONE LIFE, ONE CHANCE GOTTA DO IT RIGHT".
Respect
-B